Hiding the beans...

Something that has become a little joke around the office has been the hiding of a can of awful looking black beans.
Let me set the stage:
Last Christmas at McGraw-Hill, our floor got together to do a gift exchange. Not one of those good gift exchanges mind you, but that terrible one where people can take your gift away from you.  I have never been a fan of this game, since (1) the good presents are instantly passed around the table until the maximum number of steals have been met, and (B) the only presents that generally get stolen are alcohol.  Now, if there was alcohol involved in playing the actual game, it may be a different story.  I'm sure there would be more cursing, and possibly some fisticuffs.  But alas, we were in a place of business, and partially due to the absence of knuckle dusting, I ended up with a can of black pinto beans that looks like it was a left over item from a food kitchen that had the good sense not to serve it on their poor, unsuspecting homeless patrons.  After all, they've suffered enough.

Little did I know at the time, that this mere can of beans would blossom into one of our favorite workplace activities.
When I initially got two bottles of wine stolen from me during the game of Terrible Christmas, I figured I'd go for a wrapped gift that didn't look like it contained liquor.  Sure enough, it contained the beans, along with a bedazzled sandal air-freshener and a coupon for a car wash that looked as if it had been used.  My initial reaction was, "Who the hell would do this to someone?  And on Christmas!" So I held back the tears as the liquor continued to be passed around and everyone had a great time.  Then I went back to my desk and tossed the air freshener, put the car wash coupon on a shelf to be forgotten about and most likely never used, and set the can of beans on my co-worker, Antonio's desk.  He had missed the gift exchange, so I thought I'd raise his spirits with the worst gift you could possibly get.

Little did we know, we had actually been privy to the single greatest Christmas gift mankind has ever received since God blessed us with the birth of the one and only... Rod Sterling, creator of the Twilight Zone. It's true, I looked it up.  Oh, and Jesus maybe.

So, what once began as a disparaging weight on my soul, became an action packed thrill ride involving us hiding the beans on a different co-worker's desk without him noticing.  There are currently three players of this game, and while the rules are a little involved, it's worth it once you get playing.  Here's an extensive look at the rules list:

    Rule #1:  Hide beans.
    Rule #2:  Walk away.

So far we haven't had to add an addendum to the list, but once the game expands across the office I'm sure there will be room for changes.

Some of the highlights of this season:

-I was running low on Kleenex, so I emptied the box, put the beans inside it, placed the remaining Kleenex back on top, then switched it out on Antonio's desk, which luckily happened to have the same color box of Kleenex. Eat shit Antonio. 

-When I reached my office one morning, I was met with a stacked wall of textbooks, barricading my cubicle.  I was feeling sick that morning, so I made Michael (the other member of Team Beans) help me clear them, and once we got about half of them moved he goes, "Oh, look, what is that!?"  Boom. Beans. Apparently they had built a little fort.

-When Michael was away at New Rep Training, we examined his cube for various places to hide the beans.  Antonio was set on somehow incorporating simple machines in the process, and was obsessed with integrating ropes and pulleys, levers, etc. We didn't get that far, but he did hang a couple coat hangers from his bookshelf (not sure why), and I covered the beans in the wrapper from his lint-roller that Michael keeps in his desk.  And thank God he does, because I always come into the office covered in dog hair.

My personal favorite of my bean-hiding escapades was a simple trap that I set for Michael.  (pictured below)


It worked swimmingly.


So, this is one of the ways we entertain ourselves throughout the day.  I have a feeling that these are only going to become more elaborate as time goes on.  We've covered all of the basic hiding places (in book bags, drawers, under hats, in coat pockets, etc.) so now it's up to us to really tell a story with these beans.

Just this morning, I was "beaned" when I reached my office.  It was a game changer too, because when I got to my desk, there were two books stood up on end.  Behind one, the classic can of beans. Behind the other, a can of Chicken of the Sea: Chub Mackerel.  Oh, it was on.  In fact, I have a can of $4 Vegetarian Beans that mysteriously found its way into our grocery bag and receipt a couple weeks ago when we got home from HyVee.  We sure as hell aren't going to eat it, so might as well use it for the game.
We could have three cans of disgusting crap circulating the office at any given time.  And god help the poor bastard that gets hit with all three of them at once...

I think we need to recruit more players.


UPDATE:  VALENTINE'S DAY edition and EVIL GENIUS edition: